May 2015



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Feb. 3rd, 2015

Up A Cup

I may have been diagnosed with the stupidest reason for back pain ever. The rest of this post is going behind a cut because you probably don't want to read about my health problems. It's not graphic, but it is really dumb. If this is actually what the problem is I'm never going to live it down.

Jan. 3rd, 2015

Spoke Too Soon

What a way to start off the new year... last year, when I started getting massages done professionally I thought that would be the end of my problems with my back pain, or at least that they would help a little bit. Last night, however, I was in the most pain I have been in since I had a in internal cyst rupture. It was excruciating. Even the most heavy-duty painkillers I had did very little except make me loopier than fluffy yarn and only take the edge off. It was still very painful- lying down hurt like hell, but sitting up or standing only made it ten times worse. It was bad enough that my father almost called 911 to get me taken to the hospital- he was concerned I had a vertebrae pop out of alignment or something, but my mother talked him down from it. Meanwhile, I was writhing around on the floor trying not to scream in pain and beg for someone to just end it for me. It was that bad. Finally I managed to fall asleep after another dose of hardcore pain meds.

So this morning I went to the urgent care doctor. I waited four hours in a room full of people with the flu to see a doctor and probably caught that now too. When I finally got into see the doctor, he basically prescribed me more codeine and a muscle relaxant and told me that nothing I could do was really going to help at all. Wonderful. At least I didn't have to go to the hospital to hear the same thing.

Really, I probably shouldn't be sitting here typing this- I'm supposed to avoid sitting around too much. I don't know what else I'm expected to do though, considering that standing up and lying down is equally painful.

All I'm going to say is that 2015 is not looking to be very good if this is the sort of thing I have to look forward to for the rest of the year. Happy Fucking New Year to me.

Nov. 9th, 2014

Shoulder Pain Mystery: Solved!

For about a year now, I've had a problem with bad pain in my shoulder. It comes and goes randomly, but when it comes, it can be excruciating, to the point that I can barely do anything, since it's my dominant side. When my shoulder hurts like that, I can't use a mouse, and trying to write anything, even just a signature on a reciept, is very painful. It got to the point a few times that I considered going to the hospital, because I was afraid that something was seriously wrong, but I was also concerned that insurance wouldn't pay for it, or that the doctors would tell me that there's nothing wrong with me. So I dealt with this for a year, always hoping that one day when I woke up I wouldn't have the pain. I had thought it was bursitis, but because I didn't have a fever or any weird discoloration on my skin where the pain was, I was pretty sure it wasn't the potentially fatal bacterial bursitis, so I didn't do anything about it except take painkillers, and occasionally put Mentholatum on my shoulder.

Until yesterday.

A few days ago my mother suggested I get a professional massage, since she thought it would help my pain. I was skeptical at first, but since she was willing to front me the money, I decided it wouldn't hurt anything. So I went to the massage therapist, and as soon as she touched my neck she knew exactly what the problem was.

I had three very deep, hard myofascial trigger points on my neck, that were referring pain to my shoulder every time they got aggravated. She spent about an hour working on extending and stretching out those points, and it was very painful at the time, but now I can say honestly that my shoulder is already feeling better, despite my neck being sore now.

So I have to go back in a month to get the treatment repeated, to help prevent them from coming back, or if they do come back, prevent them from getting to the point where they cause the level of pain I had been enduring from the shoulder.

I'm so happy that I finally have an explanation for why my shoulder does this, it's a huge relief.

Jun. 2nd, 2014

Smooth Move, Kaboom

Sorry in advance guys, this might be a bit disgusting.
Today is not going very well.

Not only do my summer classes start today, but I practically cut off the top of my thumb accidentally by trying to cut some bread for lunch. I was actually a bit concerned I might need to go to the hospital, because it did bleed quite a bit, but I don't think it's really big enough to need stitches. Hopefully it won't bleed through the tourniquet though, that would be annoying and I don't have very many cloth bandages. I'd really prefer to not have to go buy more, those things are expensive. As it is I'm probably going to need to change the bandages before I go to class at 4:00.

Ugh, what a hassle. And what an auspicious start to the summer term. It almost feels like an omen, you know? Cut your hand open the day your classes start, maybe the universe is trying to tell me something.

Please excuse any typos. The bandages make it hard to type and I keep typing "v" when I mean to hit the spacebar.

Mar. 31st, 2014


I'm in that weird headspace again where the only thing I want to do anymore is drink and then sleep. The past few weeks have been an exercise in disappointment and upset, and I'm really tired of it all.

I honestly haven't felt this bad since I left my first university- and this might even be worse than that.

Don't worry, I'm not at the critical point yet, just starting to wonder what the point is to all of this. I work my ass off to get a damn letter at the top of the piece of paper and then it ends up not being the right letter. It doesn't matter how much I study, my grades never improve. I feel like I can't relate to anyone anymore, and my parents' moving preparations are just grating on me all the time. I actually got in the first major fight with my dad since I was in middle school the other day, and I've been feeling really shaky ever since. It honestly was my fault, but still- I haven't felt the desire to lash out at him like that for, what, eight years now?

Some of you may know that I have some health problems. Please don't worry- I don't think this is a symptom of them flaring up again, I've just been very stressed out lately and I haven't really been dealing with it in the healthiest of ways as of late. I have been sleeping for about fifteen hours a day when possible, and I probably shouldn't do that. I will probably be better once the semester ends and things calm down- it's just the double punch to the face of the preparations and the amount of work I've had to do this semester has been pretty bad, and I haven't been handling it well. Or, I was handling it well, until the other day.

So if I'm not around as much as usual, that's why. I don't have much energy once I've finished with the work I have to do and the only thing I have the capacity to do is watch stupid Youtube videos and sleep again.

Things should hopefully be back to normal soon.

Feb. 25th, 2014

Health Drinks

Today I decided to try a new health drink regimen I found online- after dinner, you drink apple cider vinegar mixed with boiling water and honey to promote digestion, help you lose weight, and clear up your skin. So I mixed three tablespoons of vinegar, and a squeeze of honey in boiling water in a mug and drank it.

It's... not terrible. It doesn't taste that great, but I can drink it without thiwanting to retch, which is more than I can say for some other health drinks my mother has had me try in the past. And if it works it's really a useful thing to know how to make and have on hand- supposedly it's good for digestion, acne, weight loss, preventing illness, and if you do get sick, it's supposed to be soothing to the throat. It just doesn't taste very good, and I don't know if I'd be able to drink a mug of it every single night. Hopefully doing it every so often will be enough, because if I drank it every night I think I would start smelling funky, like honey pickles.

It's just... I'm so sick of feeling poorly that I'm willing to try just about anything. Including potentially noxioous beverages. Even if it didn't taste terrible, my room now smells like a pickle barrel.

The prices we pay for health and beauty, you know?

Dec. 20th, 2013


So, I found out today that what I thought was my carpal tunnel syndrome acting up is, in fact, not my carpal tunnel syndrome acting up. It is, instead, shoulder bursitis. Which is both good and bad.

The good part is that the bursitis should clear up on its own unless it gets infected, in which case I will need to go to the ER for emergency treatment, up to and including surgery, because if it gets infected, it is very easy for the infection to spread to the blood, which can apparently kill you. Fortunately, however, it is extremely uncommon for shoulder bursitis to become infected, While it is possible, by the statistics I probably won't have to worry about that too much. Of course, I've been a statistical anomaly before when it comes to health issues, so that may not be as comforting as one would hope.

The bad news is: it hurts like a bitch, and it can take several weeks for it to heal. I actually probably shouldn't even be typing, because it can aggravate the inflame bursae. But I can only tolerate so much lying around with a freeze-pack on my shoulder. That shit is cold! And I get bored easily- there's only so much time I can spend reading some random book of my dad's that I found in the basement with a freeze-pack on my shoulder.

The really weird part is, I have no idea why I would have gotten bursitis. I haven't done any out of the ordinary physical exertion lately. I haven't suffered any significant injuries to my arm. I just don't get it.

Dec. 6th, 2013


I've known for a while that I've got the beginnings of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. When I was in the tenth grade the doctor told me it was starting, but I never really thought that much about it, until recently. It wasn't really much of a problem and apart from needing to be careful and use things like wrist rests when I'm using the computer, I hadn't really given much thought to it.

Until about a week ago, I suddenly woke up in the morning with terrible pain in my right wrist, shooting up my arm. I've been in constant pain since then, and haven't been able to do my usual computer usage. It hurts to type. It hurts to hold a mouse. It hurts to do much of anything. I'm doing alright today, but I don't know if this is just a temporary respite, or if I'm doing okay for the forseeable future.

Damn it, I'm twenty-one years old and it already feels like my body is breaking down.

Nov. 1st, 2013

Movember is Offensive Now?

As today is the first day of November, all around the world there will be men shaving off all their facial hair to grow a mustache for Movember. For those not in the know, Movember is a fundraising drive for prostate cancer awareness and research that sprang up on the back of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, which happens in October. During the month of November, guys grow a mustache and collect money for research on prostate cancer. Women can participate too, by helping to collect money as well. Sometimes they'll draw eyeliner mustaches on themselves while doing the collections and fundraising.

Until recently, I never thought there would be people who have a problem with raising money and awareness for cancer research. Cancer sucks. The sooner we can find a cure the better off humanity will be. But with the Susan G. Komen disaster last year, I started to realize that maybe all of this fundraising wasn't as good as it seemed to be. Still, though, I never in a million years would have thought to tell anyone that they shouldn't try to raise money for a cause like that.

And then, this morning, one of my relatives posted this link on Facebook with the caption: “WHAT THE FUCK.” Which pretty much sums up my thoughts on the matter.

In case you don't want to click the link, it's an article about how Movember is offensive. Apparently, it is offensive because only cisgender men (as in, not transgender) can grow mustaches, and that it leaves out transgender men. Which, okay, fine. But transgender men can't get prostate cancer. Because they don't have prostates. And you don't have to be a cisgender man to participate in Movember. You might not be able to grow a mustache, but there's no law that says you can't help raise money or participate in other ways. Prostate cancer doesn't care what your gender identity or sexual orientation is. If you have a prostate, you can get prostate cancer.

Secondly, the author goes on to say that Middle Eastern men can't do Movember because of racial profiling. Now, I'm not saying that racial profiling is not a problem, but last year, I knew a number of Middle Eastern men who participated. In fact, in one of my classes, I was in a group project with a guy from Saudi Arabia who ended up raising almost two thousand dollars in November, and he donated it all to research.

I seriously don't get what the writer of that article hopes to accomplish by hating on a charity that helps to combat a serious illness. Would she rather people died of prostate cancer? Would she rather that nobody really cared, and that this disease continued to kill people? I don't want my dad or my brother or my male friends to die of cancer. I don't want anyone to die of any kind of cancer.
If you don't like Movember, don't participate, don't donate money. But don't cause problems for the people who are participating, either.

Sep. 17th, 2013

Entertainment vs. Paranoia

Time for an actual Serious Business post. Well, not exactly all Serious Business, but it is a serious subject for me.

People who know me tend to get pretty irritated with me around Halloween, since I have to be extremely careful about any scary movies I watch, since that sort of thing can set off a paranoia attack for me. In general, I do pretty well with avoiding stuff I know will make me into a frightened, wary, hyperventilating mess, but other times I get cocky and think I can handle things I can't. Some friends of mine talked me into watching Paranormal Activity with them a few years ago, and it was a huge mistake. I spent the next week sort of half-in, half-out of rationality, and jumping at shadows and constantly looking out the window. I felt horrible about it, since I really upset my friends and because, well, having delusions sucks. But that's not really my point here- the point is, there are things I know can set off an attack, and horror films are one of those things. Interestingly enough, even though my paranoid delusions tend to be along the lines of “everyone and everything is out to get me, the black helicopters are coming! HOLY SHIT!” I can watch political thrillers and movies where the premise is some crazy guy murdering the shit out of everything with no problem. Zombies tend to be okay too, and I've never had a problem with Lovecraftian horror. What really sets my issues off is paranormal- ghost stories especially. I don't really know why that is- stuff that you'd think would actually tie into the delusions doesn't bother me most of the time, but you put a ghost up in that shit? One-way ticket to Looneyland for me.

Anyway, the point is that I'm not particularly fond of Halloween now that I'm grown. It's less about candy and more about scaring the shit out of everyone now that you're adults, and I kind of hate it. It's not a huge issue, but I do tend to feel a bit more... I dunno, jumpy? around the month of October. It's partially why I could never get into Supernatural, the television program- the pretty men didn't do enough to counteract the scary that messed up my health issues. I can't even really read online creepypasta either, since it does the same sort of thing.

So with that in mind, it's been a bit weird for me lately. I've been listening to the Welcome to Night Vale podcast which I was initially heavily warned against. However, that's a humorous horror podcast done in the style of HP Lovecraft, which has never been a problem for me. So, with that in mind, that I can handle that, I watched the Sleepy Hollow premiere last night on FOX.

I liked it. I liked it a lot and I intend to watch the next episode next week (and then the day after that, Agents of SHIELD).

Normally this is the sort of thing I can't handle. I will admit to feeling mildly uncomfortable during the Headless Horseman scenes and the bit with the freaky trees, but more in a “huh, that's weird and a bit scary” way rather than a “HOLY SHIT GET THE GUNS AND LOCK THE HOUSE DOWN!” kind of way. A few years ago, I don't think I would have ever even gotten to the “HOLY SHIT!” stage, I would have probably started fighting imaginary attackers.

It's a stupid thing, but it feels like a huge step forward for me. I'm probably not going to rush out to by a ticket to the latest Paranormal Activity, but I also feel like being able to watch this show is a step forward. For a long time, I thought I was going to have to spend the rest of my life tiptoeing around certain things, and possibly missing out on a lot because I didn't want to go bugfuck insane. I'm probably never going to be the go-to person for ghost stories, but I'd like to think I'm getting a bit better. Maybe I'll get to the point where I don't have to carefully consider whether or not watching a new television drama will send me into a panic attack.

This has been your once-in-a-while PSA on Life with Paranoia.

Sep. 4th, 2013


I'm currently procrastinating on doing anything useful because I can't stop sneezing and my throat is itching like mad no matter how many chips I eat in an attempt to scratch the itch. I've taken medicine and the only thing that's done is make me sleepy. It's done nothing to stop the itching or the sneezing.

I hate ragweed, I hate fall. I hate everything. >:(

Jun. 21st, 2013

Kaboom's Japan Adventure: Weeks 1&2

I am not entirely sure if this is going to go through or not, the Internet here is absolutely wretched and I cannot afford 5000 yen for a half an hour of access at the closest Internet cafe. I was planning to do an update while I was in Tokyo, but then I fell ill again and was too busy trying to get ready to go to Akita to do much of anything else. As it is, I've been in Japan for a week and a half so far, and things have been... strange.

Not strange in a bad way, mind you, just... strange in general. I got lost in Ginza. I went a bit overboard in Itoya (also in Ginza), which is one of the biggest office supply stores in the world. I now need to figure out how to ship half an Office Depot back to the United States with me, since I bought a ridiculous amount of stuff while there. I went shopping, which was fun, although a bit frustrating. I'm a bit taller than the average Japanese woman, and a bit wider as well, even though I'm within the norms for my age and ethnic group, so finding clothes here is a bit of a challenge. Trying to do the wash here is a challenge as well, as I do not read Japanese enough and I think the washing machines here are older than me. I am getting along quite well with my roommate, and my classes seem to be going well. I got placed a little bit lower than I would have liked- apparently I kind of bombed the placement test. But oh well, it's not as though I wasn't really expecting something like this. Considering how smooth the trip has been until now (with the obvious exception of me getting sick again), it was only a matter of time before something went wrong, really. And of things that could potentially go wrong, getting placed in a lower class barely registers. I haven't lost my passport, had my shit stolen, ended up hospitalized, or gotten deported. When I think of that, it doesn't matter.

I've been enjoying Japan so far. My biggest complaint is the lousy Internet connection. As I type this, it's kicked me off a couple of times. Most of the permanent students here at Akita International University don't try to bother with the university's Internet, it's that bad. But I can't afford to go to the Internet cafe whenever I want to get online, I'd be broke in a couple of hours. So I'm just trying to access when I can, and only then for a few minutes at a time. It's been difficult. My parents always like to yell at me about my “Internet addiction,” and for a while I thought they were full of crap. Now, I'm not so sure. I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not in class or studying. I don't want to go to the shoipping mall all the time, because, again, the whole money problem. My dormitory is too small to spend a lot of time in there, and every time I go out into the public areas people always want to try to make conversation. Which I don't mind, usually, but it does get a bit annoying when I'm trying to study. I am not really sure if it's cultural differences or something, but where I am from, sitting with headphones in and a textbook open in front of you means “sod off, I'm trying to study here!”

But it doesn't matter. All in all, I've been having a great time. I just wish this nasty cold would go away already, I want to be able to enjoy my trip to the fullest. I'm also not super impressed with the university's food. It's not terrible, but it's also not great, either. It's actually very bland. And I never thought this would happen, since I love rice, but I'm actually getting kind of tired of it. I also miss being able to drink soda whenever I want to. There's soda here, but it's not the same soda we get in America. It's got all sorts of different flavors. And some of them are just... baffling, for lack of a better word. Corn flavored soda? No thanks. Although the melon flavor is tasty.

Tomorrow we are going to an aquarium and a seaside town as part of the program. I am kind of torn between being a bit annoyed that they're herding us arund like a bunch of kindergarten kids (seriously, I'm 21 years old, I do not need to be kept in line like a little kid anymore) and being excited. Apparently there is a very cute baby polar bear at the aquarium that I want to see. And there might be penguins! I will try to get some pictures, although I cannot promies that I will actually be able to upload anything, given the terrible Internet connection. I am somewhat worried that this post might not even go through, but I will try.

I just hope I can figure something out about the Internet problem, because I think I'm going to lose my mind if I can't connect regularly. I don't even need to be online every second of every day, I just need to be able to do something other than study and sleep.

May. 12th, 2013

They Say Bad Luck Comes In Threes...

First, I contracted strep throat.

Yesterday, I crashed and possibly totaled my car. I seriously thought I was going to die.

I was driving on a notoriously treacherous stretch of road up where I live, in a violent downpour. The people in front of me suddenly stopped in the middle of the highway (why, I have no fucking idea, the nearest stoplight was about half a mile down the road). I tried to hit the breaks, but my steering locked and my car hydroplaned into them. They (and their tank of a van that’s three years older than me, according to the police report) were perfectly fine. I somehow managed to make it through without any serious injuries other than hitting my head on the steering wheel on impact, thankfully with nothing more than a bit of a headache, but my car… well, the KaboomMobile probably isn’t going anywhere for a while. Plus the cops held me at fault even though I wasn’t the dumbfuck that came to a full stop in the middle of the goddamn highway- in a 60 MPH zone, in pouring down rain, no less.

So now I have to pay for a huge ticket, as well as costly repairs and possibly a new car if it’s not fixable. And I’m going to Japan in exactly a month as of yesterday. I don’t know how I’m going to pay for all of this, especially since today was my last day at Job A until I get back from Japan. I might have to take a temp job, or sell my knitting or something, although I hope it doesn’t come down to that. If the car is totaled, I’m probably not going to get much from insurance, since the car is over 10 years old.

Honestly, though, I think I’m lucky that no one was more seriously hurt. I really thought I was going to die. A few seconds before impact, the only thing I could think of was “fuck, I’m going to die and I’m not going to get to go to Japan. Maybe the university will give my parents the money back.”

They say bad luck comes in threes. I’m really scared to find out what’s going to happen next.

May. 4th, 2013

Strep Throat

I've been feeling like shit since last Wednesday, and today I finally went to the doctor after trying to drink orange juice this morning felt like I tried to deep-throat a cactus. The doctor didn't even bother with a test, she took one look at my throat and said "Kaboom, you have a terrible infection." She did do the test anyway, and about twenty minutes ago I got the results emailed to me. It's strep.

The good news is: no work or class for the next 48 hours since I'm extremely contagious right now.

The bad news is: I'm essentially quarantined for the next 48 hours, my throat hurts like a bitch, and it's extremely painful to try to eat or drink anything that isn't lukewarm tea. Since I'm having trouble swallowing solids, I can't take the antibiotic in pill format, I'm taking this absolutely horrendous liquid that tastes like a cross between some crazy person's idea of cotton candy and old gym socks. Just even thinking about it is kicking my gag reflex back into gear, but my larynx is so swollen right now that trying to take antibiotic pills would probably result in me choking to death.

I didn't even realize strep throat was a thing adults could even get. The last time I had strep, I was in grade school. I thought it was a childhood disease, but apparently even adults can get it. Lucky me.

Apr. 26th, 2013


I really hate this time of year. Not because I don't like spring as a concept, but because I have been sneezing nonstop for the past week thanks to the trees that decided to bukkake my car, and the street, and my house, and the entire campus, and the entire shopping district that one of my jobs is in... you get the picture. I'm also trying not to drown in the tidal wave of end-of-semester projects that are being dumped on me. This happens at the end of every semester. There is a week or two where I start to wonder if this is really worth it. I feel like a hamster on one of those little ferris-wheel things they run in. They make the wheel thing spin around and around and around, but they don't actually go anywhere.

That's what I feel like. And it doesn't help that I'm doing very poorly in all of my classes this semester with the exception of geology. Which is... worrying, to say the least, especially since I've taken this same fucking IT class multipe times thanks to my university's bullshit policies. I mean, I like rocks, but I'm not majoring in geology. Maybe I should switch.

It's getting very difficult to motivate myself to do anything anymore, and it scares me. I'm hoping the trip to Japan this summer will help, but I'm at the point where I kind of doubt it. Someone could show up and give me a billion dollars and I would be hard-pressed to get excited about it for more than a few seconds. It seems like the only emotion I'm capable of feeling anymore is... despair.

I've felt like this in the past. It is not fun, andI really don't want to go back to that. But that's what I fear is happening.

Sep. 10th, 2012

Pinched Nerves

So, apparently my stupid accident where I fell off the stairs resulted in a pinched nerve, according to the doctor. It's very painful, but not particularly dangerous. I've been given some medication to help with it, and hopefully I'll be back to normal in a week or two. But until then I don't know how much time I'll be around on the computer, because it does kind of hurt to sit. Or stand. Or lie down. Or do much of anything, for that matter...

Sep. 6th, 2012

Week One

Not that anyone really cares, but here's what's been going on in my life since classes started on August 27th.

Traffic: Traffic sucks. I live in a part of the country that's fairly notorious for its terrible traffic problems, and I have two classes at the satellite campus of my university, which is approximately an hour away from my house, assuming that there's not been a car crash on the highway that backs things up. So far, I have learned why road rage is such a problem. It is very frustrating to be stuck in what is essentially a parking lot, or stuck behind a stupid trash truck or something. And while there is a shuttle bus that goes from the main campus of the university to the satellite campus, it does not run on a schedule that makes sense for me, especially if I have to work beforehand. It is much easier for me to just drive, even though I don't particularly like to drive and gas is expensive.

Work: And by work, I mean both work I get paid for as well as classwork. As usual, I'm working a lot of hours every week, mainly because I'm the only one that does any work around there anyway (heh). But as for classwork? It's two weeks into the school year and I already have four papers. I am only taking four classes, and my geology class doesn't have one. That means I have two papers due within two days of each other for ONE class. What the heck, professor? Seriously.

Health Issues: Thankfully I seem to have avoided the Salmonella Poisoning Grudgematch, although I did contract a mild cold from one of my coworkers. For once, it seems that it hasn't hit me as hard as it usually does, which is a good thing. However, I had a very stupid accident in my house which left me with severe, excruciating back pain. Apparently I can fall down one stair and throw my back out. What the hell. I am doing somewhat better today, but only after taking a lot of pain medication for it, and I'm' still unsure whether or not it's a good idea to drive. D:

Aug. 20th, 2012


One of the (many) downsides of living with paranoia is that sometimes, you just get this general sense of unease. It's been a while since it's hit me this hard, but over the past couple of days, I've just felt this strange sort of ennui and distrust that won't go away, no matter what I do to try to fix it. It doesn't matter what I do, there's always just this feeling in the back of my mind that something is going to go catastrophically wrong, or that I'm in an unsafe situation, or that something bad that doesn't necessarily affect me, specifically, is going to happen. I can't really put it into words, but it's just a little wiggly feeling that colors every single one of my actions, making me be more cautious and guarded than I usually am, and that's saying a lot.

It's not that I'm jumpy, or that I see everyone as a potential threat. It's more like somehow, my brain got switched with that of some sort of fuzzy forest creature that's on the bottom of the food chain or something. Like a deer, or a bunny. If you've ever seen a wild rabbit, it's like they can never relax, because they're always on the lookout for something that might think a rabbit might taste nice for dinner, and even something as harmless as you opening the door to your house will make it bolt. Like I said, it's really hard to explain, and it's not that I think something's going to eat me or whatever, it's just more of this sense of hyperawareness. When I end up in this state, I feel like my hearing has increased by 1000%, and my heart starts to beat faster for no apparent reason. My system is readying its fight-or-flight mechanism, which can be essential to survival. It helped the cavemen avoid ending up as saber-tooth tiger chow, and it helps people today avoid ending up in dangerous situations. But in my case, it has detrimental effects on my health and well-being, since there's neither hungry saber-tooth tigers or crazy people with guns in my room when I'm sitting on the computer browsing tumblr or reading fic. By all rights, my natural instinct to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE, NOW! Shouldn't be activating, but it does.

It also interferes with my ability to sleep. I will wake up multiple times every night, and I have weird dreams almost non-stop. Thankfully this happens less often than the other symptoms, but lately, it seems like it's been happening more often than usual.

Actually, if I'm being honest with myself, all of this has been happening since I contracted the salmonella. There were about three days where I was too ill to take my medication, because I would vomit it back up again (sorry). I am wondering if those days where I didn't take medication threw off the chemical balance in my body and caused this. I don't understand why it would be manifesting itself so long after I've ostensibly recovered, but it's the only thing that makes any kind of sense that would have triggered this. Either that, or my stress levels are a lot worse than I thought they were. The last time I was hit this badly without an obvious external medication issue was around the time I took the SATs, in 2009. I might have to look into that, and asking for some sick leave from work if it turns out that's what's causing this.

Aug. 8th, 2012

Kaboom vs. Salmonella

So it turns out that nasty illness I contracted on my trip was salmonella poisoning. I don't want to get into the disgusting details of what I went through, but suffice to say that I cannot remember the last time I felt that bad, and that includes the times I broke my collarbone, the time I fell off a cliff, and the times my cysts acted up. I still feel kind of poorly, and I'm going to the doctor tomorrow again to make sure that everything is okay, that I'm not relapsing or so,mething like that.

The problem with salmonella is that once you get it, it can take a few months for you to totally recover. You'll stop throwing up in about four or five days, apparently, but it can take months for your system to totally go back to normal. Another potential serious issue is a side effect from the bacteria called Reiter's syndrome, which causes premature arthritis. While I was told that this side effect is very rare, knowing my luck with health issues, I wouldn't be surprised if I did get it.

My dad and I are both pretty sure we got the illness at a Cracker Barrel, so that's the last time I am ever eating at one. I know it was probably a once-in-a-million incident, but still, it's the principle of the thing. I won't eat at Taco Bell, either, since I got sick after eating there once in grade school. If something makes me sick once, I wan't eat it again. It's the same way if I eat something and then get very sick afterwards, even if it wasn't from food poisoning. I won't eat pickle relish either, since the last thing I ate before the flu knocked me on my ass a few years ago was a hot-dog with some pickle relish. There's a few other things I'm paranoid about eating, since I got fevers or migraines or my other medical issues acted up after I ate them.

All in all, though, I'm actually very glad to be back at home. Being sick and having to sleep in the spare room in your grandmother's basement on the lumpy-ass bed that's been there since 1975 really kind of sucks and isn't all that conducive to healing.

Aug. 3rd, 2012

Kaboom's Miserable Vacation

Last Sunday, my family and I left to head on out to Chicago, to visit some relatives there. At this point in time, I am currently hanging out in my grandmother's house in Nebraska, since my father and I both contracted a nasty bout of food poisoning. I am doing somewhat better- I am not getting violently ill every couple of minutes anymore, although I also have slept for the better part of 48 hours. My dad, unfortunately is not doing as well. Our plans have basically been turned upside down, and I will tell you that this is just miserable. I am never going to a damnable Cracker Barrel again, as long as I live.

On a slightly happier note, I did get some cool pictures from the Sheds Aquarium in Chicago. When I get back home, I will post them. Right now I'm using my Kindle on a somewhat sketchy Internet connection, so I don't think it is possible to upload them right now. But yeah,that's what's been going on the past few days. I am really quite annoyed that I had to get sick on vacation. I couldn't get sick during a work week?

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