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Feb. 21st, 2012

Breaking News: In a Zombie Apocalypse, People Don’t Always Act Their Most Civilized

And stay tuned for a special report at 11:00- Scientists have just discovered that the Pope is Catholic!

But no, seriously, That One Blogger Who I Can’t Stop Reading Because She’s A Stupid Trainwreck is at it again, being a complete moron when it comes to television programs, movies, and books. Her target, this time? The Walking Dead, a show about a fucking zombie apocalypse. What is she blasting it for this time? The fact that the main characters are the ones making all of the decisions for all of the other characters. Welcome to Every Form Of Entertainment Ever. That’s why they’re the main characters. The whole point of having main characters is to have them drive the action. If they weren’t, they would be the main characters! I mean, come on, this is like 101 level stuff here.

But it’s not enough to complain about the main characters driving the show, oh no. Captain Dingbat here has to go on a rant about how the characters are so horrible to one another, backstabbing and fighting and forming into their own little survival “tribes,” with one character at the top of it. She complains that no one asks anyone else what to do, and that this is so disturbing because of… real-world politics about abortion and shit? Lady, you need to calm your tits, and that’s putting it mildly. It’s a television drama about a zombie apocalypse. I’m willing to bet that if there was a whole horde of the undead out there who would think your brains would taste quite nice on toast, you wouldn’t be all “Oh, why don’t we take a democratic vote on what to do next? Should we, or should we not, shoot the zombie?” No, you would want to shoot the zombie, unless you wanted to become dinner.

While I’ve never been in the middle of a zombie apocalypse (obviously), I’ve been in some situations where, while it wasn’t quite life-or-death, making a fast decision was incredibly crucial. I did not have the time to sit down and consider all possible outcomes of that decision. Sometimes it was more along the lines of “if I don’t do this right now the shit is really going to hit the fan OH GOD WHAT DO I DO? LEEEEROOOOOOY JEEEEENKINS!” Sometimes you just have to charge in headfirst and the devil take the hindmost. And that probably goes double if there’s zombies out there who want to snack on you.

Another thing that I think would probably apply to a zombie apocalypse is that you have to do the best you can to protect the greatest number of people. What good is it if you save one person, but five more get eaten? And that’s what I think makes the whole premise so fascinating. In a post-apocalyptic scenario, there is no black and white anymore, just varying shades of gray. What would have been moral will now get you killed, and what would once have been immoral may be the only way to survive. You would not be able to act like you’re having tea with the Queen. After all, it’s not like the zombies would be all, “pardon me, old chap, but would you mind terribly much if I ate your brains for my supper?” No, they would be all, “GLAAARAGH! BRAAAAAAINS!”

Or maybe it’s just a damn television drama and everyone should just shut the fuck up and watch it like normal people, huh?